Complete verbal withdrawal
Complete verbal withdrawal is when the person giving the silent treatment does not say a single word. They will not respond to any question you may ask, and they will not volunteer to say anything. They may still speak to other people, but they will make it a point not to speak to you (in public settings, they may say something to you just out of necessity to keep up appearances, but usually they will still avoid talking to you).
Partial verbal withdrawal
In contrast to complete verbal withdrawal, partial verbal withdrawal is when the person giving the silent treatment will still talk to you, but only minimally, to complete daily tasks or functions. They may ask you what time you are doing something if it is something related to them as well. They may relay information to you given from someone else. When asking questions, they will only give a basic answers or answer using non-communicative words or phrases (see next paragraph). Partial verbal withdrawal should not be confused for someone who is shy or introverted or just having a rough day. You will probably only know if you are receiving this type of silent treatment if you are close to the person doing it. The most obvious way to tell if someone is giving you partial verbal withdrawal is by comparing how they usually communicate with you to how they are now when they withhold communication from you.
Softened Speech
When someone speaks so softly that they other person cannot hear, this can also be a from of silent treatment. Usually this will cause the person asking to have to ask repeatedly or move very close to the person they are talking to in order to hear a reply. Often, softened speech (or muttering under one's breath), causes one to have doubts and can be emotionally painful. Sarcasm is often accompanied with softened speech.
Using non-communicative speech
There are several words and phrases that might indicate someone is giving you the silent treatment using non-communicative speech. Some of these words or phrases include "maybe," "I don't know," "perhaps," "I'm not sure," "I guess," etc. While these words and phrases are common vernacular, used in isolation they are meaningless and do not convey any thoughts or ideas. They are simply filler words. While words are being said, nothing is being communicated. Let me give some examples.
Example 1A:
A wife and husband are in the grocery store shopping and the husband is upset and giving his wife the silent treatment.
Wife: "Do you think we should get some hamburger buns and patties for watching the football game tomorrow?"
Husband: "Maybe."
Wife: "Would it be OK if I bought 10 of each?"
Husband: "I guess."
Result: The wife still does not know if the husband wants hamburgers or if he is OK with her getting some.
Example 1B:
A wife and husband are in the grocery store shopping and the husband is NOT giving his wife the silent treatment.
Wife: "Do you think we should get some hamburger buns and patties for watching the football game tomorrow?"In the examples above you can see the main difference between using non-communicative phrases while giving the silent treatment and using the same phrases without giving the silent treatment. When someone is NOT giving the silent treatment, they will use more words to clarify or ask questions in order to better understand. This lets the person they are talking to know that they are considering or thinking about what has been said.
Husband: "Maybe. Will we be having guests over?"
Wife: "Yes, Jack and Diane will be coming over. Would it be OK if I bought 10 of each?"
Husband: "I guess, if you get the cheap ones."
Result: Even though the husband says maybe, he still asks a question to let his wife know that he is thinking of and cares about her question. When he says "I guess" he gives the condition on when it would be OK for his wife to buy the 10 hamburgers.
Visual withdrawal
When a person refuses to look another person in the eye, this is a from a silent treatment I call visual withdrawal. Often, it is a matter of not looking another person in the eye, sometimes it moves beyond that to the extent of where one will not even look in the direction of the person they are giving the silent treatment to. Visually withdrawing from someone not only makes it difficult for someone to know what you are thinking, but it indicates that you do not want to even attempt communicating.
Physical withdrawal
Physical withdrawal only happens in relationships where physical contact is common or normal. Avoiding holding hands, hugging, kissing, or being sexually intimate are all ways one could physically withdraw in order to give the silent treatment. Physical connection is a way to express (communicate) friendship or love; when these things are avoided, it is withholding this communication.
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While these are the most common ways one can give the silent treatment, there are certainly more ways to withdraw communication from someone else. The key point in all of this is that any time communication of any kind is being withheld, relationships will not progress positively.
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